Wait, scratch that. 

This is our Services Page, where we A) tell you what we do.

If you really want to know the companies that provide the tools that help us create your radio advertising, corporate and on-hold  messages, industrial audio and more dry technical stuff – in other words, B) - CLICK HERE.

And now we present A) - co-starring bullets!

• Radio and TV commercial audio production
• Sound design, editing and sweetening
• Lock-to-picture audio post production
• On-hold messages/voice prompting
• VO casting, auditioning and coordination

In other words - if you can hear it, we can do it.

Until now we’ve been showing you our good side. We’ve  indulged you with our hospitality, charmed you with our charisma and intrigued you with our talent.

That all ends here, at the intersection of Terms and Conditions. By their very nature Terms and Conditions are terse and intractable, and ours are no different.

In fact, they’re worse than most. We wish it weren’t so, but we take no chances here at Mind Theatre Audio.

In order to protect our interests, we’ve implemented a virtually ironclad set of T&Cs that our attorney, Domenic “Necktie” DiBlasio, not only drafted but also rigged to send virulent legalese flying like daggers at the slightest impropriety.

For instance, canceling or postponing a session inside the prescribed 24-hour window will result in vindictive fees for every hour reserved and every talent booked, please call us for details. Do you think that's too severe? Well, grab hold of the nearest appendage, there’s more. Any additional cancellation fees from contracted third parties will also apply.

By the time we’re through we’ll have slapped you with more penalties and interest than an unconstitutional government bureaucracy.

Now for the bad news:

Studio bookings are a minimum one hour. If we finish early we still charge for the full hour. Additional time over that which is booked is billed in quarter-hour increments.

Now for the really bad news:

All prices are subject to change without notice, which is just another way of saying we can arbitrarily raise our prices anytime we want. Hahahahahahahahaha! Hahahahahahaha! (That’s us laughing.) Hehehehehehehehehehe!

Wait, there’s more. Political advertising is always COD. Payment for all other work, unless terms of credit are granted, is due upon completion.

Credit and terms of credit may be granted after submission of satisfactory financial information and credit references. Amounts not paid according to the terms of credit are subject to a 1.5 percent per month finance charge and a visit from “Necktie.”

And believe us, that’s a visit you don’t want.